the human condition

All guys should be familiar with "the urinal rule." This is the unspoken, but mutually understood concept that a guy shall never use the urinal directly adjacent to an occupied unrinal unless all stalls are in use and a revisit to our pre-potty training days is apparent. With that said, its obvious that if you are the first in line to pee and there are 3 urinals, don't fucking take the middle one, its a common courtesy. And no its not because we are insecure about our own package, its just the decent thing to do. We've all been there, the dude with the fake cock eye, or the guy who pretends to be checking out your kicks. Its a pathetic ruse and it isn't fooling anyone. None of us should be privy to your size anxiety or any of your sick fantasies. So just don't do it. If you are unfamiliar with this rule, now you know.

A similiar unspoken rule applies in movie theaters. More specifically in the realm of seating. No guy is to sit directly adjacent to another guy whenever possible. It just makes sense. No elbow room quarrels, more room to yourself, etc. Why wouldn't you do it? This rule goes hand in hand with... don't sit directly in front of someone in a non inclined movie theater whenever possible. It just makes sense. I'm a pretty tall dude, why would I be an asshole and sit directly in front of someone and force them to stare at the back of my head, amongst other things, for the next hour or so. And the reason, its the perfect seat does not suffice. Now I understand couples and families want to sit together, that's fine. Opening night, packed theater... I get it. I'm talking about the midweek I got nothing better to dos and the late night I'm not sober enough to go homes. Recently, A few of my friends and I went to go watch a movie. It was a late show so I wasn't expecting many people. I sat down, looked around and acknowledged the plenty of good seats that were remaining. But of course... three guys walked into the row in front of me and there I sat having a mini anxiety attack, saying "don't do it, don't do it" under my breath. And what do you know, the tallest fuck sits right in front of me. I didn't relocate, mainly because I am a man of principles and the other viable seats were taken. So I missed the bottom middle of the entire movie. Granted, nothing usually happens at that part of the screen... it could've easily been a subtitle nightmare.

Bad Teacher was a good movie, even with the slightly eclipsed visual space.