the human condition

Click HERE to read the first part of this story if you haven't.

The pacific sun is starting to set and the sounds of the birds are finally subsiding. The cool Hawaiian breeze makes its way into my living room and nightfall becomes apparent... but the girl is still here.

My prior attempts to end this... situation, has failed and I decided to just accept her company. My thoughts moved from "get this bitch out" to "let's see how far this will go." Intrigue flooded my mind, absent now the thought of escape. I shut off the tv, having just finished a movie. The selection was a hard choice... I usually default to a comedy, but she wanted to watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. As if she needed inspiration on how to butcher me later.

We compromise... Zombieland.

We didn't talk much during the movie. But then again, I'm not used to spending this much time with a girl the day after. She pressed up against me as the movie started, and as if my mind did not control my body, I opened my arms and she leaned on me.

"Are you hungry yet?" She asks looking up at me and for the first time, at least to my recollection, I realize her magnetic brown eyes. Knowing that she probably heard my stomach grumble throughout the movie, I decide to just agree with her. "Perfect," she exclaims. I wish her enthusiasm would rub off on me. Meal selection was easier than picking a movie. We both love pho, so I knew exactly where to take her.

We never made it there.

As I go to my room to recover my wallet and her clothes, a new thought enters my head, "Am I starting to like this girl?"

I hear the sound of a cell phone ring and she quickly answers. She walks out to my lanai but I can still clearly hear her from my room...

"Hello?"
"No, I'm at a friend's house."
"Maybe later, I'm kinda busy right now."
"No baby, I can't tonight."
[Long Pause]
"Don't come here."
"I'll just call you later, bye."

"Fuck," I thought. "Dont come here?"
"How the hell would the person know where 'here' is?"

My friends would argue that I shouldn't give a damn if I'm the other guy, as long as I'm the one getting some. However, lots of complicated thoughts swirl in my brain as I slowly make my way back to her.

Find out how it all went down, click HERE
title quote, Anberlin

I woke up with a stranger's breath on my face. The smell of alcohol still rich. The taste of cigarettes lingering. Who is this girl? I think.

She wakes. She stirs loudly, grunting as she pulls herself up, making no effort to cover her naked body. She stumbles to my bathroom and to my surprise turns on my shower. She yells "I'm hungry," before she shuts the door. I lay confused, wondering if I knew this person, but I know I don't. Reluctant to leave a stranger at my home alone, I decide to make a simple breakfast. I don't make much effort to create a nice meal, but I think any effort is too much. As I place the plates on my counter, I hear my shower turn off. She opens the door and walks towards me, my towel wrapped around her. Not recognizing the person before me causes some concern, but her smile at the meager meal I've prepared lessens the anxiety. The dialogue we exchange is common. As she talks, I repeat exit strategies in my head overlapped with failed attempts to recall memories from the previous night.

Never mix soju and whisky, I don't even know what occasion would promote the mixture of such opposing beverages. However, the evidence of binging becomes irrefutable as I recover empty bottles scattered around my living space. She does nothing to help clean or recollect. My opinion of her is not improving.

To end the silence, I explain I have some errands to run. She doesn't get the hint. "I see you have a coffee maker for show, pick up some ground on the way back," she replies. "Is this girl serious?" I thought. "So what if I don't have coffee for its maker."

Driving away I make up errands in my head. I return some time later hoping nothing is missing, other than her. Entering my place, the smell of shin ramen infiltrates my nose. She greets me in my newly bought Jeremy Lin jersey, takes the coffee ground and makes use of the neglected machine. She instructs me to sit explaining my food is almost ready.

As if the unexpected meal wasn't enough, my place is tidy. My laundry running, bed made. "Who is this girl?" I ask myself again. I consider concealing a weapon for defense, movies like the American Psycho and Silence of the Lambs runs through my mind.

In an attempt to deter premature death, I ask her if she has any plans for today. But as the words left my lips I realized she might misunderstand my intention. Which, she did. "Nothing, what did you have in mind?" she enthusiastically responds.

"Fuck."

Click HERE for part 2
title quote, Anberlin

We live in a time when information can get shared instantly, unless you have an iphone then maybe not, but in general, things move around quickly. The growth of the internet and other infrastructure has allowed us to video chat on our mobile devices and stream unlimited porn. But it also made people lazy and apathetic about learning and storing any information (looking for red and green lines instead of learning how to spell or use proper grammar). Its because something more reliable can store it for you, such as a computer or the internet. I don't really have an issue with that, I google shit all the time. I just feel like its making us stupider. We are depending less and less on our own capacity and relying too much on an internet connection.

I remember a time when I actually had to look into a dictionary to find out what a word meant and also turn down taveling encyclopedia salesman. Now there's "define ______"  with google and everyone's favorite, wikipedia. That is what a majority of us use if we need to know the definition of something and if we are curious about a subject, its convenient. But is it alright to depend on such a limited variety of sources? We humans do something called the error of availability. What that means is that we tend to take the most readily and easily obtainable info and base decisions off of it. Think about it... when was the last time a friend told you a movie they just saw was bad, then you get to the theaters and your decision was altered because of what your friend said? What is more prevalent in the US, murders or suicides? Most people would answer murders, when in fact, suicide rates are higher. Its mainly because murders are highly publicized and reported. Suicides are not.

But is advancing technology always a bad thing? Or can it be more like a tool that extends our own abilities? I would like to think it would be used for more good things than bad. However, when I hear an abundance of stories about people who log off facebook only to log back in 30 seconds later, or about people who can't survive without their twitter fix, or about people who are constantly seeking a wifi connection, or those who can't look away from their smartphones... I lack hope.

Is a shitty scenario people get themselves into. If you aren't familiar, its when two people have a dynamic in which one has romantic feelings and the other does not. It shouldn't be a surprise that this happens to a certain type of person. He is usually considered by many as a nice guy and is a person who hasn't been overly acknowledged for his physical appearance all his life. Its the guy who is caring, a good listener, thoughtful, and reliable. And not the guy who is a jerk, questionable, elusive, and arrogant. For a long time I wondered why this was the case and I suppose today I'll give my two cents on the matter and hopefully I can provide some insight on the guy's point of view.

It may be because generally growing up, girls don't know what they want in a guy or just say they do and really have no freaking idea. This leads to easily persuaded and fallible decisions, lots of heartbreaks and sad times. But the nice guy is always there for them. So why not just go with the him to begin with. He'd probably never break your heart. Its because its not that simple. First off, an attractive guy, from the get-go, girls wanna bang him. So those guys typically don't have a friend zone problem although they usually exhibit the negative characteristics listed above. Secondly, younger girls seek excitement and spontaneity. Not stability and safety. Those wants come way later in their lives.

I've heard girls tell me that they don't like "jerks" and its the confidence typically associated with "jerks" that they are attracted to... What a load of crap. Even if it was true, how stupid and simple do you have to be to use that excuse to justify being with a total ass. Is it some mystery that guys who end up crushing your hearts are completely different at the end than they were at the start? Its called acting, we all do it. In their case, to get laid or whatever cause they had. Stop being stuck in your nostalgia because he's tired of you and you are too young to settle.

Lets take a step back, because like many things, its a two way street. Guys who fall into this problem need to be different. What I mean is that, you can't offer everything you have to a girl and expect it in return. Life isn't a disney movie, and its foolish to think it as such. If you do convey all those wonderful attributes to a girl, she isn't gonna want to lose you. So why risk being in a relationship with you that may or may not last long and then have it end, only to realize it'll be too awkward to have you around. Instead, they'd rather label you as a friend because friends are forever right? No blame to women, I mean it makes total sense. If you aren't physically attracted to him then why bother being more than a friend with a guy? Its the same rational guys take but with a little spin of course. I mean that guys will release into any vagina that's willing. So long as there aren't any consequences. But that is a topic for a different discussion.

Nice guys don't have to finish last. If a girl doesn't have to worry about losing you, then she won't. Simple as that. I know if you meet a girl you like, its almost instinctual to want to care for them and save them from their sorrows. Believe me, I've been there. But don't do it. Unless you want to be friend zoned. Look, I'm not saying to become total asses, just don't offer your best wares to those who aren't paying. Don't always have nothing to do that you'll sit there and listen to her sulk about some guy who dumped her or won't notice her. Tell her you're busy, even if you aren't. But if her mother died, fucking listen. Its not too difficult so far is it? Also make sure you're taking care of yourself. This goes for any guy, but seriously, go to the gym, floss, get good haircuts, and have a sense of identity. Everybody can have confidence. You just need proper reinforcement. Good looking people exude this desireable trait because all their lives people have told them how pretty or handsome they are. Although, most of 'em let it get to their heads and that's where the arrogance and unreliablity sets in. They don't need to care about you because another guy or girl will happily take your place.

So what am I trying to get at? I'm not advocating that you change who you are to try and impress some girl, to get into her pants. But subjecting yourself to the friend zone with every girl you like is not a result of who you are but a product of bad decisions and inexperience. So keep your distance and don't be a pussy. Make your move before she starts to really confide in you. If you are already in that friend zone then tough luck. Either gamble and confess your feelings, or just move on. Because its hardly worth it to sit around and wait 'til either she matures or she settles. Think of yourself as the guy girls want to end up with, not have flings with. If you don't want that, then go do something about it.

A new study shows that a staggering 80 percent of all car accidents in the US is caused by distracted drivers that are more focused on eating than on the road. I could probably end it there and get my point across but I would be selling myself short. Before I begin, I'd like to put on record that I have never commited this act. And if you have, shame on you. Never again, should be the words coming out of your mouth, if not now, by the time you finish reading this blog. Eating and driving is a pet peeve of mine. If I see it, I will acknowledge it and surely grace those around me with my thoughts. Just yesterday, I was leaving the gym and I see this overweight lady in a SUV deepthroating a burrito while operating the vehicle through a parking lot. Thankfully, she didn't cause an accident but she did stop short of pedestrians crossing the street, more importantly me. I just don't get it, is life that busy that you have to guzzle down food as you drive? Or has your oral fixation gone to such extreme levels that you can't help yourself? People say its a time saver, but honestly how long does it take to eat your micky d's breakfast at work, or just making something in the morning. Early commuters, parents, etc. have a lot on their plate, I get it. But effective time mangement skills should allow you to muster up 15 minutes to make breakfast before your day starts. I only mention breakfast because no other meal of the day should you eat and drive with good cause. Just pull over and eat, then continue driving. It just makes more sense. You don't have to worry about multiple things at once, you aren't putting yourself, or more importantly, others in danger, and if you just focus on what you are eating, studies show you eat less and you enjoy the food more. These are all great reasons for you to try to not fit in the American stereotype. I know drive-thrus are one of the major causes for this phenomenon but it truly is up to you to be smart about it. Drive-thrus are great in its own right but people seriously abuse that shit and its not really helping the cause for a healthier/safer America.

All guys should be familiar with "the urinal rule." This is the unspoken, but mutually understood concept that a guy shall never use the urinal directly adjacent to an occupied unrinal unless all stalls are in use and a revisit to our pre-potty training days is apparent. With that said, its obvious that if you are the first in line to pee and there are 3 urinals, don't fucking take the middle one, its a common courtesy. And no its not because we are insecure about our own package, its just the decent thing to do. We've all been there, the dude with the fake cock eye, or the guy who pretends to be checking out your kicks. Its a pathetic ruse and it isn't fooling anyone. None of us should be privy to your size anxiety or any of your sick fantasies. So just don't do it. If you are unfamiliar with this rule, now you know.

A similiar unspoken rule applies in movie theaters. More specifically in the realm of seating. No guy is to sit directly adjacent to another guy whenever possible. It just makes sense. No elbow room quarrels, more room to yourself, etc. Why wouldn't you do it? This rule goes hand in hand with... don't sit directly in front of someone in a non inclined movie theater whenever possible. It just makes sense. I'm a pretty tall dude, why would I be an asshole and sit directly in front of someone and force them to stare at the back of my head, amongst other things, for the next hour or so. And the reason, its the perfect seat does not suffice. Now I understand couples and families want to sit together, that's fine. Opening night, packed theater... I get it. I'm talking about the midweek I got nothing better to dos and the late night I'm not sober enough to go homes. Recently, A few of my friends and I went to go watch a movie. It was a late show so I wasn't expecting many people. I sat down, looked around and acknowledged the plenty of good seats that were remaining. But of course... three guys walked into the row in front of me and there I sat having a mini anxiety attack, saying "don't do it, don't do it" under my breath. And what do you know, the tallest fuck sits right in front of me. I didn't relocate, mainly because I am a man of principles and the other viable seats were taken. So I missed the bottom middle of the entire movie. Granted, nothing usually happens at that part of the screen... it could've easily been a subtitle nightmare.

Bad Teacher was a good movie, even with the slightly eclipsed visual space.