the human condition

Being both legal and socially accepted, I consider alcohol to be the most dangerous drug. Unlike cocaine. heroin and meth, alcohol triggers so many different chemicals in the brain that even scientist refer to it as the "dirtiest drug." Therefore, it is considered one of the most difficult addictions to overcome. There was a time when I thought that alcohol was an easy way to make things more enjoyable. But now I feel that it is an easy way to make things in life more tolerable. I know that statement might come off as a red flag to alcoholism or depression, but let me assure you that I am not suffering from either. It's moreso a realization that when we are young, we drink to have fun, but as we age, we drink to cope. It's logic like, "why drink if not to get drunk," that scares me. For all those who are thinking, "no way, that's not me" or the like, I commend you on your ability to lie to yourself. Its either that or you are a way stronger person that I am and don't drink a sip of alcohol for anything.

But back to the normal people... we don' t need to drink alcohol but we choose to. We do so for a host of reasons and we give even more varied explanations as to why it's okay. But frankly, we all have similar desires and it's to lift the situation. I am saying that drinking champagne to celebrate a new year with friends isn't any different than drinking rounds of scotch because your wife wants a divorce. Many of you are probably saying, how is it the same? It's really the way you look at it. In both scenarios, we choose to drink alcohol, when there is absolutely no need to. You may argue that one is for fun and the other is destructive, but I say that in either cases, because alcohol is being consumed to better the setting, whether it is to numb your senses to let loose, or to cope with stress, it is both bad behavior.

However, just because its bad, doesn't mean I'm not going to partake. In moderation, it is worthwhile despite its adverse effects on the body and other possible damages. Some of the best and worst times of my life were under the influence and I wouldn't take a day back. I also feel that some of our truest intentions are revealed when inebriated. Though, I feel as we age, we tend to take less risks and rightfully so. I happen to know some who have lost their lives because of poor choices facilitated by alcohol. Yet I still don't feel like we should take it off shelves. Rather, we should educate and enforce better, the world we live in.

Men are either praised or ridiculed for displaying, what women claim, is our feminine side. Our feminine side is suppose to be sensitive, sympathetic, caring, unselfish, gentle, and a whole host of characteristics and attributes that are traditionally ascribed to women. Conveying this side in moderation is generally appreciated by the opposite sex. To guys, its mostly just called "being a bitch."

One must be wary when portraying these attributes as it isn't always welcomed, to a guy or a girl. It takes the right amount of "getting to know" and also a good amount of context analysis before shedding tears, sharing insecurities, and/or "being a bitch." Most people tend to be pretty reserve when first meeting someone. They don't burden others with things like family illnesses, debts, or heartbreak. That all takes time. Similarly, most men won't show their feminine side, if ever mind you, until a proper break-in period. Though the concept of being feminine is not appealing to men or amongst men, it is worthwhile to express the above characteristics. You just can't let it define you. Instead, let it be a part of who you are. There's a difference.

Women mate with masculine guys. Not dudes with threaded eyebrows, and squeaky voices. They like men with confidence, boldness, and strength. Not uneasiness, cowardice, and mental lethargy. Like men having a feminine side, women should have a masculine side. And I don't mean armpit hair and curly pubes. I'm talking about the personality traits that are considered to be manly. Much like how women expect us to be understanding and thoughtful, we expect women to be decisive and confident.

Similar to the need to know both sides of a story before passing a judgement, men should take advantage of both sides to the spectrum. However, calling it our feminine side is a bit ridiculous. People like to label things, I get it. But it is neither necessary to associate characteristics like being understanding and caring to women nor unite traits such as confidence and decisiveness to men. It is beneficial for both sexes to portray all of the discussed attributes, so lets stop making that distinction.

We live in a time when information can get shared instantly, unless you have an iphone then maybe not, but in general, things move around quickly. The growth of the internet and other infrastructure has allowed us to video chat on our mobile devices and stream unlimited porn. But it also made people lazy and apathetic about learning and storing any information (looking for red and green lines instead of learning how to spell or use proper grammar). Its because something more reliable can store it for you, such as a computer or the internet. I don't really have an issue with that, I google shit all the time. I just feel like its making us stupider. We are depending less and less on our own capacity and relying too much on an internet connection.

I remember a time when I actually had to look into a dictionary to find out what a word meant and also turn down taveling encyclopedia salesman. Now there's "define ______"  with google and everyone's favorite, wikipedia. That is what a majority of us use if we need to know the definition of something and if we are curious about a subject, its convenient. But is it alright to depend on such a limited variety of sources? We humans do something called the error of availability. What that means is that we tend to take the most readily and easily obtainable info and base decisions off of it. Think about it... when was the last time a friend told you a movie they just saw was bad, then you get to the theaters and your decision was altered because of what your friend said? What is more prevalent in the US, murders or suicides? Most people would answer murders, when in fact, suicide rates are higher. Its mainly because murders are highly publicized and reported. Suicides are not.

But is advancing technology always a bad thing? Or can it be more like a tool that extends our own abilities? I would like to think it would be used for more good things than bad. However, when I hear an abundance of stories about people who log off facebook only to log back in 30 seconds later, or about people who can't survive without their twitter fix, or about people who are constantly seeking a wifi connection, or those who can't look away from their smartphones... I lack hope.

You may have heard of the phrase, "the death of chivalry." Many argue that chivalry, in its most common definition, is at an end because of the rise of feminism and the increase in equality between men and women. Those people are referring to an antiquated definition of the word. It once was a code of conduct for knights which had verses about how a knight should treat a lady. During those times, the disparity between men and women was vast. We all had our roles, it was all pretty set in stone. Blacksmiths' sons will be blacksmiths and daughters will marry other sons to cook, clean, and mother children. Pretty straightforward. Obviously in our culture today, that is not always the case. Thus the concept of chivalry, cannot be so simple, so straightforward like it used to be.

So what is chivalry then... we definitely need a modern definition. We can't go completely old school like, "stand everytime a proper lady walks into a room." But we also can't neglect the core purpose of a code of conduct. Or even if we need one. Chivalry or not, today, we learn how to treat women from many different sources... fathers, movies, friends, books, magazines, cultures and most importantly, women... just to name a few. So is it right to have just a single approach, a uniform guide? Not to mention that all women aren't the same and have way varied expectations. It isn't so easy to place rules on how to behave. Some women like men to be a bit aggressive and skip formalities. But others absolutely adore the courting process. Unlike the medieval day, we gotta acknowledge these desires and preferences. Therefore making it impossible to accommodate all.

The major issue now is that chivalry is too often thought of as some sort of ultimate guide book on how to treat women when its not. Its mainly about one thing, respecting women. Being a gentlemen today, is like being a knight during the medieval times when it comes to negotiating women. To be considerate, caring, honest, and thoughtful are just a few things that makes one a gentleman. Our upbringing, amongst other things, greatly modifies our scope, ability and willingness to convey these attributes. But we are all capable of being gentlemen just some more naturally than others.

Even though times have changed, many women claim that it is still appropriate to practice a code of conduct. While many men argue that such practice is backwards and that true equality has impartial treatment, women nevertheless welcome chivalrous acts. In my opinion, I think its perfectly appropriate when you are courting a girl. Go ahead, open the door for her and help her carry her stuff. Don't just text her and say "I'm outside." Walk up to greet her. While your at it, open the car door for her. Let her pick the movie once in awhile, and always compliment her when she dolls up for you. Just to name a few things... Lastly, I want to say that women have such a huge influence on the path modern chvarly takes. You can't expect men to just do things, we are not mind readers. We don't always pick up on the subtle cues that make sense in your head, because it probably doesn't in ours. Your man or men in general will not change if you all just sit there and bitch amongst yourselves. Don't tolerate bullshit and set your bar a little higher. Then maybe chivalry, or the presence of gentlemen won't be on such a rapid decline.