the human condition

I've heard this statement before and I'm just now considering the validity of it. Sayings, like the one mentioned above, usually have some truth to it. Much like stereotypes, they wouldn't exist or be popular if they were completely false. So let me elaborate what it means to me and what it may imply. Guys who befriend females either do so because they fall prey to the friend zone or because they legitimately want to get to know her better. Either way, the favorable end result is coitus. I suppose they are some exceptions to that but those who would fall under such exceptions are scarce, thus I will not mention them at the moment. Now those who get friend zoned can go on being just friends. However, most guys will opt to just go for it, and if denied, move on... without the friendship. I know that annoys a lot of girls but if I can offer any advice... get used to it, but give some a chance... once in awhile you'll meet a guy who doesn't think entirely with his dick. Going back to the saying in question... I had mention that people do choose to stay friends with a girl even if denied coitus. But I can almost guarentee that, no matter what a guy says, he will jump at the opportunity if given the chance. And its because the attraction will always be there, whether its purely physical, or a combination of things. There are of course factors that can alter how you feel about her over time, but for the most part if there aren't any radical changes, a guy will at least give it a shot.

So do women have to worry about guys with ulterior motives? Hell yeah. Is it impossible to have a guy friend that doesn't want to bang you? hmm... depends on how attractive you are, and I mean just physically. I think the only way it'd work, is to keep your distance when it comes to friendships with the opposite sex. Most of the times, the two people want separate things. This of course, leads to unfavorable situations.

Why then, do we knowingly participate in this mingling between sexes, even though there is a high risk of it being a complete failure? Well, simply... nothing ventured, nothing gained.

A surprisingly unpopular term that is not coined by me, but one of my great influences (I just can't remember which one). And I don't mean a light two-wheeled open motor vehicle on which the driver sits with legs together and feet resting on a floorboard. I mean it in the way it describes people. This is a term more suited to be used by men, not because we're pigs, but because its just funnier to us, and it describes a girl that you'd have sex with, but are ashamed to tell other people about it. Just like a scooter, its fun to ride, but you don't go showing it off to your friends. So now you know, use it well... and don't get caught being called a scooter.

Is a shitty scenario people get themselves into. If you aren't familiar, its when two people have a dynamic in which one has romantic feelings and the other does not. It shouldn't be a surprise that this happens to a certain type of person. He is usually considered by many as a nice guy and is a person who hasn't been overly acknowledged for his physical appearance all his life. Its the guy who is caring, a good listener, thoughtful, and reliable. And not the guy who is a jerk, questionable, elusive, and arrogant. For a long time I wondered why this was the case and I suppose today I'll give my two cents on the matter and hopefully I can provide some insight on the guy's point of view.

It may be because generally growing up, girls don't know what they want in a guy or just say they do and really have no freaking idea. This leads to easily persuaded and fallible decisions, lots of heartbreaks and sad times. But the nice guy is always there for them. So why not just go with the him to begin with. He'd probably never break your heart. Its because its not that simple. First off, an attractive guy, from the get-go, girls wanna bang him. So those guys typically don't have a friend zone problem although they usually exhibit the negative characteristics listed above. Secondly, younger girls seek excitement and spontaneity. Not stability and safety. Those wants come way later in their lives.

I've heard girls tell me that they don't like "jerks" and its the confidence typically associated with "jerks" that they are attracted to... What a load of crap. Even if it was true, how stupid and simple do you have to be to use that excuse to justify being with a total ass. Is it some mystery that guys who end up crushing your hearts are completely different at the end than they were at the start? Its called acting, we all do it. In their case, to get laid or whatever cause they had. Stop being stuck in your nostalgia because he's tired of you and you are too young to settle.

Lets take a step back, because like many things, its a two way street. Guys who fall into this problem need to be different. What I mean is that, you can't offer everything you have to a girl and expect it in return. Life isn't a disney movie, and its foolish to think it as such. If you do convey all those wonderful attributes to a girl, she isn't gonna want to lose you. So why risk being in a relationship with you that may or may not last long and then have it end, only to realize it'll be too awkward to have you around. Instead, they'd rather label you as a friend because friends are forever right? No blame to women, I mean it makes total sense. If you aren't physically attracted to him then why bother being more than a friend with a guy? Its the same rational guys take but with a little spin of course. I mean that guys will release into any vagina that's willing. So long as there aren't any consequences. But that is a topic for a different discussion.

Nice guys don't have to finish last. If a girl doesn't have to worry about losing you, then she won't. Simple as that. I know if you meet a girl you like, its almost instinctual to want to care for them and save them from their sorrows. Believe me, I've been there. But don't do it. Unless you want to be friend zoned. Look, I'm not saying to become total asses, just don't offer your best wares to those who aren't paying. Don't always have nothing to do that you'll sit there and listen to her sulk about some guy who dumped her or won't notice her. Tell her you're busy, even if you aren't. But if her mother died, fucking listen. Its not too difficult so far is it? Also make sure you're taking care of yourself. This goes for any guy, but seriously, go to the gym, floss, get good haircuts, and have a sense of identity. Everybody can have confidence. You just need proper reinforcement. Good looking people exude this desireable trait because all their lives people have told them how pretty or handsome they are. Although, most of 'em let it get to their heads and that's where the arrogance and unreliablity sets in. They don't need to care about you because another guy or girl will happily take your place.

So what am I trying to get at? I'm not advocating that you change who you are to try and impress some girl, to get into her pants. But subjecting yourself to the friend zone with every girl you like is not a result of who you are but a product of bad decisions and inexperience. So keep your distance and don't be a pussy. Make your move before she starts to really confide in you. If you are already in that friend zone then tough luck. Either gamble and confess your feelings, or just move on. Because its hardly worth it to sit around and wait 'til either she matures or she settles. Think of yourself as the guy girls want to end up with, not have flings with. If you don't want that, then go do something about it.

This becomes evident in early childhood and even more so as we age. Its one of those differences between genders that is very penis vs vagina, and I'm sure even now plenty of examples are surging in your head. Every time you can recall a guy doing anything wrong it usually has something to do with destruction and is primitive. Our counterparts, not so much. They are more like brain ninjas, saboteurs of hearts, and overall masters of mental espionage. Men like when things blow up and even more so if they are the cause. They tend to reason with violence and mostly rudimentary forms of retaliation. Women are more the splinter cell approach of the genders and any attempts of retaliation is usually more thoughtout and patient. This concept generalizes to many other things in life. For instance, gift giving. Wondering what to get a guy? buy him the new call of duty. What to get a girl? something that has meaning beyond face value. Arguments... men tend to yell, be physical and say obvious shit. Women will be poise and say things that don't mean anything to us at first but will sink in and later explode in our heads, a fine example of mental espionage. Problem solving... Microwave isn't working, men will bang it and press mass buttons. Women will find the folder with all of their manuals and read. Movie selection... men, Transformers 3 without a doubt. Women, Larry Crowne... who? exactly. I think you get the idea.

I expect most people to be aware of this phenomenon. Perhaps its not so black and white in your life but nothing is. So just think for a second and see how this can apply to you. Knowledge is what you make of it... just knowing something is completely useless.

So I met a girl outside of a club, she was by herself and she seemed to be crying... I asked her if she was alright and we started to talk. This is what I came up to say after she told me about her man..

"We learn how to treat women from many different sources... fathers, movies, friends, books, magazines, cultures and most importantly, women... just to name a few. And with traditional chivarly practically out the window, how do we properly treat a lady? People think its some crazy, complicated method but it seriously isn't. We all learned as children to treat others like how we wanted to be treated. And as old school as that sounds, that's really the fundamental of treating women. I know its difficult for some, having personally met people with issues on the matter. But if you lie, deceive, and cheat on a girl... what do you expect to happen in return? Not to say that if you are honest, faithful, and respectful, that things will always be dandy. Its just better to have those things reciprocated. And in the end of the day, its what all guys want... someone to be there with you, to care about you, and respect you. Even the most avid womanizers want those things, even if they don't have the courage to admit it. So why then are we surrounded by messed up situations and have friends with fucked up relationships?

Its because we are young, we have no idea what we want, and a lot of us are still struggling to figure out who we are as individuals and what we mean to others... "

...I continued to tell the girl that she needed to be patient, and that she too is similiar to us guys. That we all need to take time to learn ourselves before committing to learn about someone else. That in time, she'll meet someone who will want to care for her as much as she wants to care for him.

she wanted to take me home that night... I told her that it wouldn't cure her sorrows. She said, "I don't care."


-edit: Maybe it wasn't clear, the thing in quotes is what I told the girl, as accurately as I could remember it.

I am of course talking about the one night stand. Those of you who think its disatisfying, disgusting, distasteful, and other "dis" words I can't think of right now, well let me assure you that my goal isn't to convert you. All I'm saying is that it is a practical alternative to other more time consuming commitments such as relationships and/or dating. We all know that masturbation can only go so far. I mean yeah its a nice release for guys and girls can do it for whatever reason they do it for. But it just doesn't trump the actual act. So we go out to clubs, bars, and other social gatherings alike, to meet someone that we can connect with at some, but mostly superficial, level. To take them home, try new things, and you know the rest. However, it doesn't come without a price. No, I don't mean STDs, although that is a valid concern to have, but taking measures to prevent transmission, ie. condoms, visual inspection, etc. should go without saying. It honestly is a mutual responsibility. Anyway, when I say price, I mean when the people involved aren't necessarily on the same page. For example, when one person wants more or thinks that sex is a precursor to a commited relationship... pretty much anything that is not within the concept of a one night stand. Scary, but some people are that naive. Its seldom a good sign when the other wants to "get dinner sometime" or pick out new curtains for your place after the fact. But hey, if that's your thing, I say, best of luck on your endeavors. Just don't be surprised when the guy or girl never calls you back or take you up on your offer.

There is some science that suggest that those who have multiple sexual partners before marriage have a tendency to be less happy than those who had fewer. While this may be the case for some people (those who participated in the study), I think that having safe sex multiple times with different people throughout your life can be beneficial. A learning experience, I'd call it. Besides, people have one night stands for the same reasons people date, commit to relationships, and fall in and out of love. Because its, in a word, nice. Why should we ever consider forfeiting copulation with no strings attached, if we are allowed to so freely love and hate? Two things that are often far more fucked up and destructive than casual sex. Bottom line, its an option, its a choice we make and I'm sick of people thinking one nighters is such a negative thing, especially when the very people who criticize the idea, would commit the act if given the opportunity. I'm a firm believer that for many things, like this topic, there aren't right or wrong choices. Only choices that you gotta live with. So if you want to raw dog the next girl you sleep with or save yourself for "the one" then so be it.

title quote, Hank Moody, Californication (Ep. 2, Season 1)